Please help!!!

Mar 26, 2008 at 9:22 PM
James,

I downloaded and installed the code and nothing seemed to happen. However, I'm now noticing a new problem. I can't shut down my laptop!! Since I installed Skynet, whenever I try to power down my laptop, it just starts itself up again.

Please help!!%$@!

-CSM
Coordinator
Mar 26, 2008 at 9:24 PM
CSM: What OS and Service Pack are you running on?



T1000 wrote:
James,

I downloaded and installed the code and nothing seemed to happen. However, I'm now noticing a new problem. I can't shut down my laptop!! Since I installed Skynet, whenever I try to power down my laptop, it just starts itself up again.

Please help!!%$@!

-CSM

Mar 27, 2008 at 2:52 PM
XP something. How do I find the Service Pack version?

-CSM

{quote}
jamesashley wrote:
CSM: What OS and Service Pack are you running on?

Coordinator
Mar 27, 2008 at 8:43 PM
Look under the Properties of My Computer. The General Tab should display your Service Pack.

T1000 wrote:
XP something. How do I find the Service Pack version?

-CSM



Mar 28, 2008 at 1:55 PM
Okay. I'm running Service Pack 2. I appreciate your help -- don't get me wrong -- but my laptop is now breaking into the secure wireless networks in the neighboring houses and I'm worried I could get in trouble over it. I still can't shut my laptop down.

Can you help me faster?

-CSM
Coordinator
Mar 28, 2008 at 3:47 PM
CSM,

Just to be safe, can you tell me which OS hotfixes you have installed.

Mar 28, 2008 at 5:53 PM
ooohhh-Kay. How do I find the hotfixes?

-CSM
Coordinator
Mar 29, 2008 at 11:53 PM
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, man. I was busy washing my hair.

Try looking under Control Panel | Add/Remove Programs | View Installed Updates.


T1000 wrote:
ooohhh-Kay. How do I find the hotfixes?

-CSM

Mar 30, 2008 at 12:03 AM
I understand that you are a very busy person, and I appreciate any help you can give me, and normally I wouldn't press you, if I could avoid it, but I'm currently A HOSTAGE IN MY OWN HOME. The laptop has taken over my security system, I can't leave the house, and I also can't go into my basement even though I hear weird mechanical sounds coming from there so, when it is convenient for you, HELP ME UNINSTALL YOUR FRIGGIN' APPLICATION!

The latest hotfix is KB932471.
The latest security update is KB933729.
The latest Update for Windows XP is KB905866.

Can you help me, now?

-CSM
Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 12:08 AM
I'm sorry. Skynet doesn't run on Windows XP. It only works with Windows Vista.
You should contact Microsoft support if you have any further problems with your Windows XP.
Have a nice day.



T1000 wrote:

The latest hotfix is KB932471.
The latest security update is KB933729.
The latest Update for Windows XP is KB905866.

Can you help me, now?

-CSM


Mar 30, 2008 at 12:16 AM
Edited Mar 30, 2008 at 12:27 AM
What is your problem, dude? You couldn't have told me before that your application doesn't run on XP but instead takes over my laptop, then my wireless network, then my neighbors' wireless networks, then my house -- and now is sending out small but deadly helicopters from the basement -- you couldn't have told me about this particular compatibility problem a little earlier?$%*!!?@?????



jamesashley wrote:
I'm sorry. Skynet doesn't run on Windows XP. It only works with Windows Vista.
You should contact Microsoft support if you have any further problems with your Windows XP.
Have a nice day.

Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Edited Mar 30, 2008 at 4:57 PM
CSM,

I am sorry about what you are going through, and I want you to know, whatever happens, that I am trying to help. Please remember that.
I also understand why you are frustrated, and why you might feel that I warned you after it was too late to do anything about your problem -- but you need to see things from my perspective.
While for you it might appear as if warned you after the fact, that is, in your future, I actually told you what you needed to know in my past.
I hope this clears up any misundertanding we may have had.


T1000 wrote:
What is your problem, dude? You couldn't have told me before that your application doesn't run on XP but instead takes over my laptop, then my wireless network, then my neighbors' wireless networks, then my house -- and now is sending out small but deadly helicopters from the basement -- you couldn't have told about this particular compatibility problem a little earlier?$%*!!?@?????

Mar 30, 2008 at 12:28 AM
Are you messing with me?
Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 4:29 PM
Certainly not.



T1000 wrote:
Are you messing with me?

Mar 30, 2008 at 4:52 PM

But you want me to believe that your inability to help me with my problems installing your software program are due to some sort of "temporal paradox"?


jamesashley wrote:
Certainly not.



T1000 wrote:
Are you messing with me?


Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:09 PM

Don't shoot the messenger, baby. Remember, I'm trying to help.

As I said, I understand your frustration. Temporal paradoxes in software support are a complex, if all too common, phenomenon, and most people don't understand it too well.

Think of it this way. You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That's what's going on, here. If I help you now, then that's fine for you. But you aren't the only person who is affected by this single act, and a single act of interference in the time stream can leave a wake with catastrophic proportions.

My single act of helping you now will cause other users of my product to expect a similar level of support. If I do that, then all the free money I expected to get by forcing people to pay for useless service contracts basically evaporates, and instead of being fat and happy collecting additional revenues from my product, I'll basically have a full time job doing support. I'll have to open a call center in India or somewhere, and then people will complain about the poor English or something, and I'll basically be left with a huge headache over the support issue.

Why do you want to do that to me? I'm giving you my sympathy, but all you want to do is make my life more difficult.

Look, I feel for you. I really do. But my hands are tied in this matter by the Prime Directive of software support: non-interference.

If I can help you with anything else not directly related to your current issues with this software, just let me know. I'm here to help, after all.

Your good buddy,
James


T1000 wrote:

But you want me to believe that your inability to help me with my problems installing your software program are due to some sort of "temporal paradox"?

Mar 30, 2008 at 5:21 PM
Edited Mar 30, 2008 at 5:25 PM
::crickets chirping::

Look, I'm sorry if I came across as a bit abrassive in the previous post, James. I'm a bit stressed out, lately, what with work and -- oh yeah, the killer drone helicopters shooting at me -- and all. But that's no excuse for rudeness. I apologize for my tone.

Do you have any other ideas about what I can do about my current problem? Like, maybe how I can fight back against the drones, or something?

--CSM


jamesashley wrote:

Don't shoot the messenger, baby. Remember, I'm trying to help.

As I said, I understand your frustration. Temporal paradoxes in software support are a complex, if all too common, phenomenon, and most people don't understand it too well.

Think of it this way. You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That's what's going on, here. If I help you now, then that's fine for you. But you aren't the only person who is affected by this single act, and a single act of interference in the time stream can leave a wake with catastrophic proportions.

My single act of helping you now will cause other users of my product to expect a similar level of support. If I do that, then all the free money I expected to get by forcing people to pay for useless service contracts basically evaporates, and instead of being fat and happy collecting additional revenues from my product, I'll basically have a full time job doing support. I'll have to open a call center in India or somewhere, and then people will complain about the poor English or something, and I'll basically be left with a huge headache over the support issue.

Why do you want to do that to me? I'm giving you my sympathy, but all you want to do is make my life more difficult.

Look, I feel for you. I really do. But my hands are tied in this matter by the Prime Directive of software support: non-interference.

If I can help you with anything else not directly related to your current issues with this software, just let me know. I'm here to help, after all.

Your good buddy,
James


T1000 wrote:

But you want me to believe that your inability to help me with my problems installing your software program are due to some sort of "temporal paradox"?


Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:30 PM
np, man. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm sending a Cyberdine Systems Model 101 to your house that I've reprogrammed to be on our side. He's going to break down the front door and find you. At that point, he'll say "Come with me if you want to live" and you should go with him ...
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:31 PM

Seriously?


jamesashley wrote:
np, man. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm sending a Cyberdine Systems Model 101 to your house that I've reprogrammed to be on our side. He's going to break down the front door and find you. At that point, he'll say "Come with me if you want to live" and you should go with him ...

Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:35 PM

Sorry. I just checked with legal and apparently that would void the service contract.
Sending a 101 to your aid is a no go.


T1000 wrote:

Seriously?


jamesashley wrote:
np, man. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm sending a Cyberdine Systems Model 101 to your house that I've reprogrammed to be on our side. He's going to break down the front door and find you. At that point, he'll say "Come with me if you want to live" and you should go with him ...


Mar 30, 2008 at 5:36 PM

Oh...


jamesashley wrote:

Sorry. I just checked with legal and apparently that would void the service contract.
Sending a 101 to your aid is a no go.


Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:38 PM
Yeah...


T1000 wrote:

Oh...


jamesashley wrote:

Sorry. I just checked with legal and apparently that would void the service contract.
Sending a 101 to your aid is a no go.



Mar 30, 2008 at 5:40 PM
So that's it?
Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:48 PM
Don't give up on me, dammit. Don't you dare give up on me, because I'm not going to give up on you.


T1000 wrote:
So that's it?

Mar 30, 2008 at 5:49 PM
So there's still hope?



jamesashley wrote:
Don't give up on me, dammit. Don't you dare give up on me, because I'm not going to give up on you.


T1000 wrote:
So that's it?


Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:50 PM
No, not really.


T1000 wrote:
So there's still hope?

Mar 30, 2008 at 5:52 PM

Oh...
Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:54 PM

In the meantime, did you know that Skynet also plays Zork?
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:55 PM
Edited Mar 30, 2008 at 5:56 PM

You mean the old Infocom game? I used to love that game.


In the meantime, did you know that Skynet also plays Zork?

Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 5:58 PM
Yeah. Just say, or type in: "Play game" and a menu of games that Skynet knows will come up.


T1000 wrote:

You mean the old Infocom game? I used to love that game.


Mar 30, 2008 at 6:01 PM
Thank you for the suggestion, James, but I'm not really in the mood to play a game right now.


jamesashley wrote:
Yeah. Just say, or type in: "Play game" and a menu of games that Skynet knows will come up.

Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 6:03 PM
Because of the killer helicopter drones?


T1000 wrote:
Thank you for the suggestion, James, but I'm not really in the mood to play a game right now.

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:04 PM
That's right...


jamesashley wrote:
Because of the killer helicopter drones?


Mar 30, 2008 at 6:17 PM
CSM,

Forget about ashley. He's not going to help you, and I'm not convinced he's even trying to.

You're going to have to help yourself. Wait until after Judgment Day, and once Skynet thinks it has everything under control, send out your human resistance fighters to steal one of Skynet's time machines, then go back in time and assassinate yourself before you ever get the chance to download and install Skynet on your home computer.

That's what I would do if I were you.

--John
Mar 30, 2008 at 6:20 PM
John,

I think I may have found a small flaw in your plan. How does assassinating myself actually improve my situation?

--CSM


John_Connor wrote:
CSM,

Forget about ashley. He's not going to help you, and I'm not convinced he's even trying to.

You're going to have to help yourself. Wait until after Judgment Day, and once Skynet thinks it has everything under control, send out your human resistance fighters to steal one of Skynet's time machines, then go back in time and assassinate yourself before you ever get the chance to download and install Skynet on your home computer.

That's what I would do if I were you.

--John


Mar 30, 2008 at 6:27 PM
CSM,

You mean because of the implications for the timeline? If you kill yourself, then Skynet will never go online, but then you will never be able to go back in time to kill yourself, in which case Skynet will go online, and then you will have to go back in time to kill yourself, after all, but then Skynet won't go online, in which case you can't go back in time because there will be no time machines because there will be no Skynet, in which case ... etc.?

I tell you what, CSM. In my experience, temporal paradoxes aren't something you need to worry about, unless you want to give yourself a massive headache. Thinkin's not what you need right now. What you need right now is action.

--John




I think I may have found a small flaw in your plan. How does assassinating myself actually improve my situation?

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:31 PM
Hmmm. Temporal paradoxes, again.

Actually, what I was thinking is that dying is not a good outcome for me. Any plan in which I end up dying is not a plan I would prefer.

Do you have any suggestions that don't involve me dying?


John_Connor wrote:
CSM,

You mean because of the implications for the timeline? If you kill yourself, then Skynet will never go online, but then you will never be able to go back in time to kill yourself, in which case Skynet will go online, and then you will have to go back in time to kill yourself, after all, but then Skynet won't go online, in which case you can't go back in time because there will be no time machines because there will be no Skynet, in which case ... etc.?

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:35 PM
I see where you're coming from, now. Well, I'm just brainstorming, you know. Take it all with a grain of salt.

How about this: you send yourself back in time and marry your mother so that you become your own father. Then you train yourself to be the sort of person who doesn't download unfamiliar exectables from the Internet and install them. How does that sound?


T1000 wrote:
Hmmm. Temporal paradoxes, again.

Actually, what I was thinking is that dying is not a good outcome for me. Any plan in which I end up dying is not a plan I would prefer.

Do you have any suggestions that don't involve me dying?

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:38 PM
How does that sound? "Disturbing" is a word that comes to mind. "Icky" follows quickly on the heels of "disturbing".
How about I send myself back in time and just tell myself not to install Skynet?


John_Connor wrote:
I see where you're coming from, now. Well, I'm just brainstorming, you know. Take it all with a grain of salt.

How about this: you send yourself back in time and marry your mother so that you become your own father. Then you train yourself to be the sort of person who doesn't download unfamiliar exectables from the Internet and install them. How does that sound?

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:51 PM
The outcome is too uncertain. You're better off doing yourself in.

If you're just feeling squeamish, I can go ahead and send somebody back in time for you. Then he can off you.

Just say the word. I'd be more than glad to help you out.


T1000 wrote:
How about I send myself back in time and just tell myself not to install Skynet?

Mar 30, 2008 at 6:53 PM

I don't think that would be a good idea, John. Please, don't do anything to help me. I'll find another way.
Mar 30, 2008 at 6:54 PM
Okay, but if you change your mind, just say the word...

--John


T1000 wrote:

I don't think that would be a good idea, John. Please, don't do anything to help me. I'll find another way.

Mar 30, 2008 at 7:03 PM
Good news, everybody! Mcafee just kicked in and quarantined Skynet for me. The helicopter drones have all crashed to the floor of my living room. Doors are unlocked. I'm free to come and go as I please. Thanks for all your help, but things are cool, now. I'm good. No need to send back soldiers from the future to kill me.

--CSM
Coordinator
Mar 30, 2008 at 7:20 PM
Good on you, CSM. Glad to hear everything worked out. I guess that will teach you to be sure to look at the pre-req's before trying to install software in the future, won't it. : )



T1000 wrote:
Good news, everybody! Mcafee just kicked in and quarantined Skynet for me. The helicopter drones have all crashed to the floor of my living room. Doors are unlocked. I'm free to come and go as I please. Thanks for all your help, but things are cool, now. I'm good. No need to send back soldiers from the future to kill me.

--CSM

Mar 30, 2008 at 7:22 PM
Ha ha. That's a good one, James.


jamesashley wrote:
Good on you, CSM. Glad to hear everything worked out. I guess that will teach you to be sure to look at the pre-req's before trying to install software in the future, won't it. : )


Mar 30, 2008 at 7:25 PM
I don't know. Skynet could have taken over CSM's account and be impersonating him in order to lull us into a false sense of security.
Just to be safe, I think I'll send a soldier back in time to make sure.

--John


T1000 wrote:
Good news, everybody! Mcafee just kicked in and quarantined Skynet for me. The helicopter drones have all crashed to the floor of my living room. Doors are unlocked. I'm free to come and go as I please. Thanks for all your help, but things are cool, now. I'm good. No need to send back soldiers from the future to kill me.

--CSM